Twiddle me not!

Posted on June 3, 2010 by Mrs Odie

I am putting an end to twiddling.  When Baby V nurses, she has a very annoying “free hand behavior” that I have mentioned before.  She pinches and rolls my other nipple between her thumb and index finger.  More often than not, she has fingernails like little razor blades and this “free hand behavior” is very painful.  Excruciating.  Last night she wanted to nurse every hour.  Along with nursing, she twiddles my free nipple (there’s no freedom for my nipples), not only causing pain, but encouraging the milk to flow from that side as well.  The result is a sticky mess all over me, her, and the bed.

I’ve let it go on because I’ve been afraid she’ll wake up if I don’t let her do it.  It sounds ridiculous that I’ve put up with it, but sleep deprivation makes one do bizarre things.  Last night, around 2 a.m. after almost constant nursing from 8:00 that included painful twiddling.  I had ENOUGH!!!

I had to get up with my baby at 2 a.m. and stay up with her until almost 4.  She was BESIDE HERSELF with anger, sadness, and frustration (I think) that she couldn’t have her twiddling.  I covered my free nipple (FREE AT LAST) with my hand and she pulled at my hand, tried to wedge her hand under it, scratched at it and wailed the saddest, most pathetic cry.  But I didn’t give in.  I was too angry and in too much pain.  I’m all for baby-led most things (weaning, sleep, feeding), but I’m starting to feel like my young child is a little dictator.  She’s not an infant anymore, and I’ve decided that she can handle a little disappointment in her life.  I’m willing to tough it out and have some bad nights.  Odie was awake with insomnia anyway, so he wasn’t getting any extra sleep disturbance.  He’s had it pretty easy anyway.  He’s never had the night shift even once her whole life.

She didn’t stop nursing every hour.  I think she has a new tooth coming in because THANK GOD that is not typical behavior.  But I kept my hand protectively over my breast and prevented her twiddling even after we’d gone to bed.  Usually in the morning between 6 and 9, she dozes and nurses in bed with me, twiddling away.  Today, she still did the former, tried desperately to do the latter, but stayed asleep.  I have faith that this will work.  If I’m lucky, she’ll attach to a “transitional object” because sleep training is in her future, just three short weeks away…

Stay tuned.

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13 Months!

Posted on June 1, 2010 by Mrs Odie

My “baby” is 13 months old today.  One year ago, I was still suffering mightily from the episiotomy and all of the muscle strain I experienced carrying a baby for 40 weeks and then pushing all 7 pounds and 12.5 ounces of her out of my lady parts.  Happily, I had DVRed episodes of Conan O’Brien every morning to take the sting off of my all night nursings and the exhaustion that resulted.  DAMN YOU, NBC and Jay Leno!

I’m thinking a lot about her newborn time as my friend Sara (http://eyesofmyeyes.wordpress.com) approaches her due date next week.  I remember that last week of pregnancy well.  She knows on an intellectual level that her life is about to change, but she has no idea how much. No one does until it happens.

I’ve been pretty useless lately.  C- for housework.  A solid B for babyrearing.  C- for wifeness.  F for blogging.  I rarely sit down to the computer, and if I do, I experience what’s happening now.  Baby V is coming over to me, grabbing my lap and crying “Up! Up! Up!” because she wants to be picked up.  If I pick her up, she’ll say “Nummy!” and grab at my boobs.  So then I’m nursing her for a few minutes, then she wants back down so she can run around, repeat 100 times a day.  So I tell her “No, I’m not going to pick you up right now” and I’ve effectively taught her to say “No.”  She goes around to all the things she’s not supposed to touch and demonstrates her understanding: Touches trashcan and announces “NO!” with a big smile.  You get the idea.  TODDLER.

Nothing is more fun than playing with the stuff out of the kitchen cabinets and drawers.  I replaced the utensils in these drawers with her toys and she doesn’t touch them. 

Today is Tuesday, but it’s like Monday because yesterday was Memorial Day.  I have to pay the rent at the bank and while I’m out, I figure I’ll swing by the grocery store.  The diet is a bust.  I’m doing just awful.  I do not have the motivation to bloom.  I’m not sure I would even if I found myself in the position I described (death, desertion, divorce – the three Ds).  I might just settle in with tubs of cheese and shrug, THIS IS MY LIFE.

I predict my family and I will do some swimming and lounging over the summer.  I have never put on a suit and swum with the crowd, always preferring to hide it away.  This year I want to swim, so I have to get it in gear.  Sigh.  It sounds wretched.  Eating food I hate, exercising, drinking water instead of Diet Coke.  No wonder I don’t have the motivation!  It’s going to be hot this summer, and I’m tired of being the sweaty fat girl.  In fact, I am no longer a “girl” and am in danger of becoming the sweaty, fat old lady.

Now that V is 13 months, the “baby weight” excuse is wearing, well, THIN (irony).  Time to either do something about it or accept that this is what I look like and stop trying to change.

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